What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 01:09
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was very sick at this time too.
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He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was in good health!
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What did i know ?
Why do so many guys love anime girls?
She found it foreign!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Do you think the constitution and laws should be taught in school?
One cannot live in the past .
But it wasn’t much.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What is the one thing you don't understand that others do?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I think the readers, may guess!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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My life is so biszare .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why do creationists ask for proof of evolution and then ignore the answers?
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was 9 years of age.
It was going to be , some day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When do you start "growing old"?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Comes on , in middle age.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
I waited trembling.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I have no regrets .
She loved him until the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Put me off passion for life!!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But, we were locked up after school.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is soul school!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were not on the streets..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And i lived it daily.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He knew the spot.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
When she asked me how she looked .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I write beautiful poetry .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She wouldn,t have been !
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She married twice! .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We all went to grammer schools
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I said to her
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was scared of men, in general
Ive learnt so much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I will be 64.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I don,t even have a pension.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im still living with it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
(And it was in our own minds.)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Especially a lifetime of it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Would this be the day?